Who doesn’t get angry? Whether anger is justified or just imaginary from something merely taken in the wrong context, it is a destructive emotion that can have a negative impact on our lives. The longer it festers, the more resentment it can cause that can have serious consequences for mental to physical health, not to mention the damage it can cause relationships with spouses, family, friends to co-workers. Instead of allowing resentment to come between you and those close to you, you might want to take another approach to dealing with what brought the anger on in the first place.
Though the anger and wound it caused can be deep, it often can be overblown in proportion because we might have overreacted before speaking. It is only human to feel defensive and hurt when egos are involved, but waiting until you have a cooler head to analyze what you heard may end that anger before it leads to resentment. If you truly hope to conquer that resentment before it plants itself firmly, then you may want to try forgiveness.
Why Granting Forgiveness Can Help Pent Up Resentment
When you get angry and hold a grudge, you can feel mentally and physically sick when you think of the source of that pain. The vulnerability, hurt, resentment and raw pain can keep you a prisoner for as long as you keep that resentment alive to control you. Opening that cell door takes courage, but you can find the key to your freedom by practicing forgiveness.
The idea of forgiveness may strike you as unthinkable. Yet, try pretending the conversation that brought it about never happened. Make the first move to treat the person that caused your anger with kindness. What you may discover is that person will respond with genuine remorse because of actually regretting their words, but being too stubborn to admit it. In doing so, you unburdened yourself of that consuming resentment while patching up a rift that only made you feel worse by the day.
How many times have you had an argument with a spouse or family member that made you so angry and resentful of that person at the time, but later can’t recall exactly why? The reason that the argument is no longer important was because one side eventually caved in with forgiveness to the other. Otherwise, no one would ever bother getting married despite our already high divorce rates, families would go their separate ways and friends would constantly need replacing because no one would ever put their pride aside for what needed to be done.
Life and dreams don’t come with guarantees. Perhaps, you had prepared for a certain career, obtained the highest grade point average, did volunteer work, but still never managed to get ahead in your career path despite many interviews. Harboring resentment from getting one rejection after another is only natural, but it only keeps you suffering. Give up either on that career path and try another field or just keep pounding your head futilely against the wall. The way that I see it is sometimes there is something better than you never realized when you allow yourself to finally see it. One door can close and another opens. You just may have been too preoccupied to see a new possibility and usually one that you would be happier doing.
Resentment From Agreeing to Something to Please a Loved One
Falling in love does changes a person. When you give your heart to another, you just want to do everything in your power to make that person happy. However, agreeing to something when you truly are against the idea just for the sake of another is a mistake that can lead to resentment later.
My friend was planning to get married. She had thought to convince her husband to be to start their married life in a home of their own. Despite having the down payment necessary for a house, he wanted them to live with his parents in their large house. She secretly resented the idea, but gave in to his desire at the sake of her own happiness.
After several unhappy years, they finally did move into their own home, but in doing so caused unrest between her and the in-laws for separating them from their son.
Living with the in-laws wasn’t what bothered her. It was the lack of privacy a young couple need when they first live together that she was denied that caused the resentment. Being the case, she thought it would have been better to stand her ground with honesty about not wanting to live with his parents when they married. If he loved her equally, he might have understood her viewpoint more clearly. Otherwise, she said she should not have married him.
What I’m saying is your anger and resentment keeps you from living a happier life. Only when you learn to accept or release the pain that is holding onto you is when you can let go of resentment.
This is meaningful but sometimes easier said than done.
They say forgiveness is actually a way to release oneself. It may not always be easy and it may take time to do, but it is worth it. It doesn’t mean totally forgetting, it means forgiving and moving on.
Going to share this with a close friend who’s sister did a dumb thing right before Christmas. This has caused a big problem but my friend is slowly working to get all parties together to talk.