A friend of mine recently went through a painful breakup with a man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. As a result, it shattered her self-esteem and had her questioning what she was lacking as she wallowed in her misery. It was sad to hear, but I gave her some advice since it happened to me once years ago. She could either keep suffering thinking about him or take steps to heal her broken heart so she could move on instead of wasting energy on someone truly not worthy of her love.
Crying over this person that hurt you so badly is natural. Do cry and get those wounded feelings out, but promise yourself that it will stop after a day. Devoting time to staying miserable will turn into an endless cycle of tears that will get you nowhere.
To begin with, you can’t expect to move on if you keep staring at the photos of the two of you or perhaps analyzing love letters he sent. Do not hang onto those things because they only prolong the suffering when they are in your possession. Throw them out immediately unless you want to remain in a rut.
It also may bring you closure if you write down what you’re feeling in a letter that is not to be mailed. The purpose is the paper is where you can release what is still pent-up inside and express it. Immediately afterwards, you can either burn that letter, crumple it up or shred it to little pieces and deposit it in the trash. Tell yourself this is the end of that relationship. If it helps, imagine he is the one that you are throwing in the trash instead of that letter.
If you expect to heal a broken heart and move on, then you must force yourself to redirect that energy and stop living in the past. It doesn’t help to fantasize about what your future together could have been like. Wishful thinking serves no purpose. All it does is to keeps you chained to your own personal prison when this is when you should be channeling your energy elsewhere. What helps is occupying your mind with something else such as plunging your energy into a project such as finally writing a novel, attempting to market the jewelry that you created, etc. or volunteering can do wonders.
Now is also a time that you need to start fresh since your confidence is crushed. Changing your look can also work to do the same for your mental outlook to empower yourself. Tell yourself that he broke up with the old you. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are not the same person. This is a new exciting woman staring at your transformation and his loss after your makeover.
Though this may not make you feel better, but after a period of time if you ever think of that person then you’ll have a clearer head about his worth. After all, when you fall in love with someone you don’t always see them for whom they are. But I promise you that in time, you will see that guy was never the one just a marker in time for when the right one comes along.