When we look at the breakdown of honesty in our society, we have to distinguish between someone who has simply practiced deception their whole life and the complex relationship between pathological lying and dementia. Both situations can look similar on the surface, but the “why” behind them tells two very different stories about the state of our social contract.
The Complex Roots of Deception and the Death of Civility
Following up on my recent look at why good manners are the basis for a more just world, I’ve been thinking about the “flip side” of that coin. If manners are about respect and shared reality, then habitual lying is the ultimate way to disrespect the person standing in front of you. It makes one wonder if some people are simply “wired” for deception, or if they are actually losing their grip on reality as they age.
The Childhood Blueprint for Dishonesty
Research published in Frontiers in Psychology suggests that for many, this isn’t a new hobby. It often starts in childhood. When children aren’t taught how to handle their emotions or when they feel they have to “perform” to be loved, they develop lying as a coping mechanism.
Over time, that “white lie” muscle gets stronger until it becomes a lifelong reflex. It is essentially a total breakdown of internal manners. Instead of valuing the truth, these individuals put their own ego above all else. This behavior frequently carries over into their professional lives, even as they ascend into leadership roles.
When the Brain CEO Starts to Fail
We must also look at the neurological side of the coin. There is also a darker, more clinical side to consider. Research on PubMed highlights the role of the frontal lobe—the brain’s “CEO” responsible for decision-making and social behavior—and how its decline can trigger these deceptive patterns. When this area is damaged or begins to decline, we see a rise in pathological lying and dementia.
This is where it gets tricky for us as observers. Is someone being intentionally deceptive because of a lifelong habit, or is their brain physically unable to distinguish fact from fiction anymore? In medical terms, this is often called confabulation. The brain is essentially making it up as it goes to fill in the blanks left by memory loss. While we feel for the individual, it is hard to ignore how this mirrors the confusion we see in larger social structures today.
The Social Cost of a Fractured Reality
Whether it is a lifelong habit born in childhood or a symptom of cognitive decline, the effect on a just society is the same. It creates a “gaslighting” effect where the public is forced to live in a world that doesn’t make sense. If we cannot agree on what is real, we cannot have manners, and we certainly cannot have justice.
True civility requires us to be “present” and honest. The social contract depends on truth. When that honesty disappears, regardless of whether the cause is a moral failing or a medical decline, the foundation of our society breaks. It leaves us with a difficult question to ponder: How do we maintain our own manners when the person in charge of the conversation is living in a different reality entirely?
